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第427章 我没有搭上一切的魄力

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    这几日夫妻不相见，毓溪知道胤禛在闹别扭，刚开始伤心难受，大晚上抱着弘晖哭，可哭过之后，她就冷静了。</br>搁从前，一心一意都在胤禛身上，且自卑无法生育而拖累丈夫的前程，不到逼急的时候，事事处处都愿包容胤禛的脾气。</br>如今她有了弘晖，是爹娘兄长之外，与她最血脉相连的人，她不再视胤禛为唯一，丈夫也好，前程也罢，眼下她的能力，只够把弘晖养好。</br>于是胤禛不来相见，她也不惦记，堂堂皇阿哥，横竖是饿不着、冻不着的。</br>至于家里的事，侧福晋那孩子，毓溪已是尽己所能请大夫，可这么小的孩子除了乳母的奶，连药都用不上，既然注定是老天决定的事，她早就不再忧愁，更不会折腾自己。</br>然而此刻，听青莲说胤禛可能在宫里受了羞辱，毓溪瞬间就怒了，一心要护着丈夫，身上一件单衣就要冲出去。</br>但她被青莲拦下了，而胤禛进院子后，也看到了门里瘦削柔弱的身影，数日不见，毓溪又瘦了。</br>「怎么弄得这样狼狈，谁干的，大阿哥吗，他又和你过不去了？」</br>待胤禛进门，毓溪就拉着他往水盆边走，仔细查看脸上脑袋上，生怕除了墨汁还有受伤流的血。</br>「是皇阿玛。」</br>「皇？」</br>「皇阿玛。」</br>毓溪怔住了，不禁松开手后退一步，再细细打量，的确除了衣衫脏了，不像是干过架的模样，可是皇阿玛为了什么事如此动怒？</br>悠车里的小娃娃，似乎感受到额娘不在身边，忽然大哭起来，将胤禛和毓溪都吸引过来。</br>见胤禛伸手要抱，毓溪本嫌他身上脏，可再想胤禛总怕弄伤孩子而不敢抱，今日这般主动，还是不要泼冷水的好，便默默忍下了。</br>念佟都满地跑了，胤禛早就学过如何抱孩子，而他怕伤了孩子，也是真心的。</br>「这不是抱得挺好，你的手臂有劲，儿子觉着舒坦，不用哄就不哭了。」</br>「他能知道我是他爹吗？」</br>夫妻二人目光交汇，彼此心里都有委屈和怨气，但一些伤人的话，就不必说出口了。</br>青莲见小两口情意绵绵的，便上前来接过孩子，毓溪顺势拉着胤禛到屏风后，伸手为他解开扣子，好脱下朝服。</br>「这墨都干了，不然我不敢抱儿子。」</br>「不妨事的，小孩子多见见人，好养活。」</br>胤禛被伺候着，心里愈发过意不去，一下搂住了毓溪的身子，唬得毓溪挣扎：「你别把我也弄脏了。」</br>「我错了，毓溪，是我错了……」</br>被紧紧抱着，毓溪渐渐放松下来，反过来支撑起胤禛的身子，温柔地说：「会过去的，都会过去的。」</br>「总是豪言壮志，要对你如何好，要有大作为，好让你风光体面。可家里稍有风吹草动，我就烦了躁了，仿佛我是天下第一委屈的人，嘴上不承认，心里只怨你为何不能将一切都摆平。」</br>「类似的话，之前每回闹别扭后，你都会说。」</br>「我知道，所以才更觉得自己没出息。」</br>「胤禛，不是我听得厌了烦了，而是我们都得明白，从小孩子变成大人，到将来朝堂宗室里，你我皆能独当一面，可不是一蹴而就，也不会顺风顺水。我们一定还会遇上麻烦，会争吵、会互相看不惯，可你千万记着，只要名正言顺在这家里出生的孩子，不论谁生的，我都会善待他们。除非尽人事也救不活的，我不是他们的生母，我没有搭上一切的魄力，兴许就做不到你想要的模样，不能让你和所有人都满意。」</br>胤禛松开怀抱，红着眼睛道：「正是皇阿玛说的，我想要的，无非是你身上能有连外人都称颂的嫡母做派，我太在乎面子了。而这样的道理，居然要皇阿玛当面训斥，我才能醒过味来。」</br>毓溪道：「若无人教你读书写字，连三字经都念不下来，这人生在世的道理，自然也是要学的，要紧的是，你肯不肯学，我愿不愿学。」</br>「是被那孩子吓着了，我、我……」</br>「我也吓到了，他很可怜。」</br>胤禛哽咽道：「他那么想活下来，可我们无能为力。」</br>毓溪温柔地说：「我们就不要再说什么被吓着的话，孩子会伤心的。你不是被吓着了，胤禛，你是舍不得自己的骨肉，多去西苑坐坐，多看他几眼，那是你的孩子。」</br>「好……」</br>「那晚我抱着弘晖哭了好久，把他吓坏了，也把一院子的人都折腾得够呛。可不瞒你说，我不后悔，那样委屈地哭一场，我才觉得自己不只是你的妻子，不只是弘晖的额娘，我还是我自己，若连伤心难过都要自我责备和反省，那我也太憋屈了。」</br>轻轻捧着毓溪的脸，胤禛想到了皇阿玛说的话，皇阿玛果然是英明而通透的，媳妇受了委屈，除了在这屋子里哭，她还能去何处，他可太混账了。
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